KILLING FOR PIE By Tom Jensen
Oh great creator of saliva…
Still not sure how I survived ya…
You turn my mouth water into a whine
like Jesus of Nazareth…
Surely I’d kill for a slice of your pie…
just like I was Pythagoras…
I’d look you right in the eyes and lie... to nail you…
just like I was Judas from Iscariot …
You leaven my bread making my dough rise… that’s true…
just like I was Lazarus…
You and me should play Adam and Even
while Bert and Ernie played Adam and Steve…
Or we could play George of the Jungle
and you could teach me all about the birds and the bees
I could eat some peaches and you could shake some trees
For a warm handful of your honey
I’d use these two fingers here
just like the ears of a bunny
And then we could play doctor
The day before the morning after
you said you felt funny
Unhappily nine months after that
you sued me for the rights
to make a movie
Of our life together…
And then for alimony
and custody of little Suzie…
Well F%&k Me!
Here you are again and
You’re still looking to screw me…
Ahhh….. Now that’s killing for pie…
It’s no joke and no lie
That’s how us good men usually die
Once thriving now barely surviving
It’s still a thrill for the living
Though sometimes the times
Can be kinda trying…
Ahhh….. Now that’s killing for pie!
Now it's time for goodbye
And that ain't no lying...
(Note to reader: Pythagoras killed opponents of his Theorems - especially Pie. He totally had freaking math nerd disciples who would KILL for PIE. I think killing for math pie is silly!)