FIFTY WAYS by Tom Jensen & Paul Simon
(Spoof of Paul Simon’s FIFTY WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER)
The problem is he gets no head not a sniff of pussy
The answer is easy if you take advice from me
I can help you make it big your little, little peter
There must be fifty ways to fuck your lover
He said he got no courage around the girls
So they don’t open their shells, don’t give up their pearls
I say if you want the sex then just be direct
There must be fifty ways to fuck your lover, fifty ways to fuck your lover
Put a bag over head Ted
Make sure she's on the pill Bill
Just whip out your dick Nick
Ride her like a bike Mike
Do her doggy style Kyle
Hit her from the back Jack
Play her like a toy Roy
Go and slip it in Vin
Give her a spank Frank
Stick it right between her lips Chip
Tell her jump on John
How about sharing Aaron
Tell her right now gimmie Jimmy
Watch out for a quiffs Keith
Go dive in the gorge George
Give her your all Paul
You better make her moan Ramon
Drop the bomb Tom
Measure her by the meter Peter
Get it nice and sweaty Eddie
Look out for the puss Russ
Whip out your meat Pete
Give it a shave Dave
Grab her two knobs Bob
I wanna hear her squeal Neal
Rub it on her hymen Simon
Go for the cherry theft Jeff
Make sure it's bleeding Stephen
Ask her to free Willy Billy
Shoot a wad Rod
Try not to turn her gay Ray
Don't be a homo so go for the blow Mo
Play homerun derby and give her the bat Matt
Do her in the dark Mark
Watch out for the smell Mel
Turn her black and blue Lou
Don't make her beg Greg
Play Adam and Eve Steve
Lift up her shirt Kurt
Make her your bitch Rich
Try for the whole fist Chris
Make sure it's clean Dean
Don't be a dad Brad
Get her wet and hot Scott
Make her panties sticky Rickey
Never settle for a hug Doug
Go taste some candy Andy
Let her ride the bologny pony Tony
Unbutton her pants Lance
Just give her a good fuck Chuck
You don't' have to discuss much...
He said he was impressed and he’d see how it goes
Now that he’d seen just how to pimp the hoes
If you’re a player know a player plays for there must be fifty ways
He said with this new insight he was sure to score tonight
Later on when I saw him with a lady I knew that he was right
In the morning we’ll have to check her pillow to see if she bites
There must be fifty ways to lick your lover, And fifty guys who met your mother!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha...