BUT HIM by Tom Jensen
I happened to read it
Luckily, no one else would care
And though it was quickly deleted
Still the thought got out there:
I’m so glad not be a celebrity
It would be way too easy
461
To dig up dirt on me
Gee, now let me see…
I could make a list:
One, two, three, four
That’s just starting with the girls
Who I’ve had who were whores
Five, six, seven, eight
That’s how many times
I got caught jerkin’ off
Yah see that even before
I came across Chomsky
I used to Mass. debate
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve
There’s beers in a pack
That’s half of a rack
Go ahead and drink that
And your back teeth’ll float
And you’re wet brain’ll swell
Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen
Well that’s old enough for love
In all but six states
But if you’re where I’m from
Then still you gotta wait!
Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty
That’s those who once loved me
And have since left me
Let’s see…
Two are quite hefty
One turned me into a lefty
Three tried to sue me
Another claimed she
never knew me
Her brother tried to killed me
Yet her sister consoled me
While her mother gave us
Both a scolding about
Having and holding
Her father wanted to kill me
But then he just billed me
For the family therapy…
Oh gee…where the hell was I?
Another one refused to see me
Funny, she was the one
who beat me!
Now that’s something
That you don’t normally see
Imagine ME calling the police…
And where were you?
Doing all the things
That a good girl is supposed to do
And that’s why I love you
And I’m never gonna
Put nothing ever above you…